There's a Light is a sanctuary, a place where grief is honored, where love endures, and where healing begins. Sudden loss can leave us searching, questioning, and trying to make sense of a world that feels forever changed.
This space exists for those walking through that pain, for those seeking solace in spirituality, and for those navigating the path forward with the principles of the 12-step journey as their guide.
This blog offers a 12-step path to healing and hope after loss.
If you are here, you are not alone. Your voice, your story, your presence—each is welcome. Together, we seek healing. Together, we remember. And together, we move toward hope.
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The Turning Point
In 2018 and 2019, as I entered my early fifties, I found myself at a crossroads, both physically and emotionally. Menopause marked a new chapter in my life—a transition into postmenopause, a phase that would last forever. But at the same time, another, far more devastating transition took place: Derek, the man I had planned to grow old with, passed away.
He was nine years older than me, and somewhere in my mind, I had always known that he would leave this world before I did. But I never expected it to happen so soon, cutting short the plans we had woven together—the marriage we envisioned, my return to France, his gradual retreat from work in London before finally joining me. We imagined settling into life in Paris, but instead, everything was abruptly taken away.
On the day he died—May 3, 2019—I experienced what felt like a final farewell from my body: a last fleeting menstrual cycle. That moment marked the true beginning of my new life phase, though I was far from ready to embrace it. I had just returned to London, leaving behind my apartment in Paris, unsure if it was forever. Everything was suspended in uncertainty. For the next six months, I was completely numb, swallowed by grief and distress. Then, the world stopped alongside me—lockdown arrived, and for a long time, it felt as though the collective silence mirrored my mourning.
The world has changed since then, and I have changed too. I am trying—trying to find happiness, contentment, and peace of mind. But so often, I feel powerless. Powerless against the weight of grief, powerless against the unrelenting changes that life demands. Sometimes, I pretend I am managing, that I am moving forward with strength. But beneath it all, I struggle to believe I can truly make it.
I want to, though. I want to find my way.